Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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