i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
