Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
