Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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