I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
