new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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