suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
