he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
