i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
