I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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