i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
where are you?
Hypothermia
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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