i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
