forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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