My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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