covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
