i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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