too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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