Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
