I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
