youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
