i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
