Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
