I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
