Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
