my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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