I wannas sexs uuuuu
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
