Don't you send me to vm
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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