My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
