Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
