I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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