i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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