I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
