I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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