I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
