Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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