life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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