Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
