textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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