I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
