She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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