You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize