I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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