We won't sleep together?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
a search helicopter?!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
