Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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