Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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