What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
