His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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