I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
