I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
