and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
