Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
