Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
