everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
