You can't motorboat a personality
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
