Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
